Alright, you caught me. I have been avoiding you. Before realizing that this was the truth five minutes ago, I could not begin to tell you why. In the past couple months since I began this blog, it was the one thing that reminded myself that I was still going places – that I had a plan, despite my school hiatus. But now I am back in school, just finished my first week back, and I have this immense sense of dread that I am going to let you (and potentially a lot of other people) down.
I am more excited for school this year than I have ever been, but I am also so much more scared. Four out of five of my classes are English classes, and never in my life have I wanted to do better than ever scholastically. This is the one thing in life that I love, that I feel completely free in doing, but those feelings are of no use if they cannot be justified by the approval of the public, right? I realize that this is dangerous, but I have the idea that if I do not do well- if I have completely lost my knack for writing essays or somehow all my opinions come across as shockingly uninformed or one-sided - that essentially me and my future as I have dreamt it are eternally hooped. Life is so much easier when your only literary critic is your mother (a brilliant literary informed mind in her own right, but still, my mom).
This blog post, however, is my stand against overcoming these feeling of inadequacy. Nothing was ever won without hard work, and that is exactly what I will do, along with “Faking it until I Make it” and if necessary, “Finding a Window when God closes a Door”.