Thursday, July 14, 2011

Jibber Jabber

                I talk to myself. A lot. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I have imaginary friends – but I have several imaginary acquaintances. I don’t know if this is normal or not. I assume not, since the few times I have mentioned it to people in passing (about how much I talk to myself) it always seems to be met with a look of bewilderment and me trying to backtrack and pass it off as a joke.
                But it’s really not a joke. It usually goes along 3 different paths. 1- I’m being interviewed (presumably in the future) about my life by a famous interviewer (ie. Oprah or Ellen), and I am telling them how I overcame my life’s obstacles to be in the position of imminent success that I (apparently) am in. 2 – I am having a break through moment with a friend (that I actually already have) that I have been wanting to have in real life for a long, long time. 3 – (and this one is most common) I’m meeting a complete stranger and for some reason something just clicks, and they understand everything that I say and mean to the fullest extent, and want nothing but to hear about all the intrinsic details that make me uniquely myself, and when they do finally speak it is only to reaffirm everything that I already believe about myself and about the world around me.
                I don’t know why I do this. Am I more insane than I like to admit? I will have extended conversations, to myself, with an imaginary voice answering all my questions inside my head. Not always, but if I’m left alone – in my bedroom, in a bathroom staring into the mirror, during a slow night at work- I will. Maybe I just like the sound of my own voice bouncing off the vacant walls and coming back to me with the brilliance and clarity that only true vanity can bring. Or perhaps this is why I feel somewhere within me that I must write – it is, after all, a more acceptable and concrete means of getting my own thoughts out and sorted in the world (in comparison to talking to oneself).
                I suppose this brings me in a round-a-bout way to my somewhat related, but not entirely, next point as for the upcoming month I will mainly be only talking to myself since next Friday I am off on the wildest adventure I have been on yet! I do not want to let this meager progress I feel I have had personally as a writer slide- but there is really no way around it as I will be who knows where in Europe with nothing but a locally purchased cell phone to keep in contact with my mother so that she will know that my sister and I are still alive abroad.
                Looking back at this post as I’m writing this, I suppose it looks a bit suspicious of me telling you of my potential insanity and then mysteriously “leaving”, however I have more than full intentions of returning at the end of August with my pockets full to the brim of fresh perspectives and new stories to share. I have loved every minute of writing into this dark abyss that is cyber space – thus this is hardly goodbye, and only talk to you very soon!

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