Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Free Thinker

            My life is a constant democracy of the people most important in my life, and their take on the daily dilemmas that I face. This only became apparent to me this week when something shocking (for me) happened between a boy interest and myself, and immediately after I was on Skype with two of my trusted friends unpacking the riveting details to their patient ears. Throughout the rest of this week I have gone from confidant to comrade to conspirator in order to determine what path I should indeed follow, and only now am realizing how ridiculous that whole process is for such a trivial event. What this extensive procedure reminds me is that at the root of it all, I am a people pleaser. I care greatly what will be thought of my decisions and if the general public will approve and vote me in for another term as “Valuable Human Being”. What I am trying to figure out now is when this democracy turns from being a healthy collection of insight and intellect, to me not taking control of my own life and instead living by autopilot as directed by the desire of the people.  Perhaps in this case there is an argument for dictatorship when it applies to being the sole ruler of your own life, and that is something I need to work on more. I try to be a person who follows their dreams and does what they believe is right no matter what the consequences. What bothers me in these situations is that I do not have much more to go on than what I am feeling in the root of who I am. But what if that deep “root” feeling is tragically misconstrued? Really, though, when it comes down to it that is all we have – that gut feeling of whether something is harmful or beneficial; meant to be, or not. Whatever decisions I make, I am the one who has to live with them and no one else. I guess now would be a good time to start taking command of it.

1 comment:

  1. Well said. We learn to listen to our gut and lead our own lives but it's also valuable to have people we trust to bounce things off of.....but in the end you are the president and you get to make all the decisions. LOL!